Today, hooman beings and aliens, I will be discussing things that YA authors do that just pisses me off (oops a curse word already!) Irks is a fancy word…I prefer pisses.
We love most of the YA authors and support them for writing *insert a ya book you like* (Who am I kidding?! Of course not! We hate them for killing off our favorite characters. Looking at you @Rick Riordan, @JK Rowling @James Dashner @George R R Martin @Leigh Bardugo and others)
But sometimes, they make me want to throw the book across the room and hit my head on the wall~twice. I’ll be talking about some of the things that stimulates this response.
Some of you might be confused about two titles (as if!) that you saw above, let me make it clear. Each heading represents each imaginary author clubs. For example, lets take the first one. ‘Animal noises club’.
- Animal noises Club
Number one on our list, we have animal noises. WTF! SINCE WHEN DID ANIMAL NOISES BECOME TRENDY?! Most of you might have had that one particular author when I mentioned ‘animal noises’. Yes, dear children, it’s Sarah J Maas I’m talking about whose books children should avoid.
Why is Rhys purring all the time? How do you even purr? All I can imagine when I see the word purr is ‘meow’.
Feyre: Have you finally lost it?
Rhys: Love, I was trying to be sexy, meow!
Feyre: awww (You know what happens next🙄)
Can I tell what not sexy is? This. Its gross.
And why do faeries growl all the time? If someone growls at me, I will cut their throat so they don’t give me the creepy anymore. ANIMAL. NOISES. ARE. NOT. ROMANTIC. PREACH! Stop using that again and again! I am so tired of Rhysand/ Tamlin/ Rown/ Sarah J Maas characters/ Anyone who makes animal noises thinking its cute, purring, growling, groaning, et cetera et cetera. I swear they keep groaning and growling every other chapters and Rhys only purrs in A Court of Thorns and Roses. Meow Meow Meow Meow!
2. ‘Strong female Characters’ Club
Moving on, we have these
annoying, irritating, egoistic, flawless, most beautiful, no personality strong female leads. Of course there are some exceptions but most of the time, these characters end up killing my mood. Male characters written by female authors are awesome. Female characters written by female authors are horrendous. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate them loving themselves and carrying themselves with pride, but please, Go buy some personality.
I need strong mc’s, not idiot sandwiches. And let me tell you ‘assassins who were supposed to kill the male character but falls in love with him’ are THE WORST! Looking @Aelin
Some idiot sandwiches throw knifes and have this thing in mind that they are the most powerful being to ever exist. Sweetie, the cardboard that has been in my house for 2 months that I bought for a school project has a more character and personality than you. You are that bad.
I didn’t force myself to read 789 pages of a book whose mc thinks she is ‘not beautiful’ (EVERY. DAM. PAGE.) and apparently is ‘the chosen one’. I’m so done with this world.
3. Sudden Massacres Club
Author’s thoughts at 3 am:
Everything will be going normal. At least as normal as it gets to be in a book, and then the next thing you know the author kills off everyone in that one book. Everybody just goes poof! Like bruh? What are you? Some heartless creatures born to feed on my pain? How do you even have the gal to kill off the character that YOU created?
For example, The Lat Olympian, The Deathly Hallows et cetera. I know this is not fair but it still annoys me! How can they kill them off like some stupid fiction character who doesn’t exist wait—nvm I shouldn’t have said that…
Bonus Example: Two horrible deaths take place in a spam of 2 pages in Our Dark Duet
4. ‘She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding’ Club
“I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding”
“She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding”
“He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding”
“They let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding”
THIS EVIL SENTENCE! THIS ONE STUPID SENTENCE POPS EVERYWHERE IN YA BOOKS! People think that one smol sentence wont ruin a whole book but trust me, it can! This line is probably the most infamous line🔪
Y’all don’t need an introduction for this, for more ‘released a breath they didn’t know they were holding’ check out this Pinterest.
5. Lack of Reality Club
Many of us might have read The Hunger Games. Did anyone notice the fact that Katniss nor the other females get their periods? And A Court of Thorns and Roses? Why the heck is everyone so pretty? The world suddenly decided to produce only Helen’s of Troy now? I read books to relate to it. To not feel alone in this world. Not to become more insecure lol. The ‘average looking girl’ catches the attention of the most popular, handsome, powerful boy and they go out together and bang all the time and oh! This girl also happens to be a ‘strong female lead’.
The females in the books are always ‘pretty little angels who don’t know their own beauty, has only one friend who is hilarious/sarcastic but is also strong and suddenly a hot boy notices her and swoons her’. Bruh tf?!
6. ‘Forced Romance’ Club
By forced romance, I am not talking about pretense romance. Is that what you call it? Pretense romance? Weird. So Red, white and Royal Blue along with To all the boys I’ve loved before(ugh) is out of question.
Sometimes, some romance books have relationships that look ‘forced’ as if they have no chemistry between them. Have you ever gotten the urge to throw up
7. ‘Love Triangles’ Club
Quoting my friend Mrunal, “Why on earth do all the ya books have to be a love triangle?!”. I’m so tired of love triangles and what else? They almost always happen to be teenagers aka 17 years. Teenage age is 13-18 years. Where did 13-16 go? Why is it always 17? And if you are writing a love triangle, make the characters likable at least! A Court of Thorns and Roses~ Rhys, Feyre, Tamlin and all three are horrible and toxic. Twilight~ Do I even have to tell? It’s disgusting! Shadow and Bone~ Mal, Alina, The Darkling and The Darkling is the only one I like out of the three. *cough*I know he is toxic*cough* *cough*I don’t care*cough*
8. ‘Its true Loveee’ Club
Why does every romance novel or literally any ya novel has to end with the love interest dating at the end? The only work of teenagers is not dating? Trust me, most of us even don’t have the time to even sleep properly! Be realistic dam!
Why do these teenagers need to end up with someone anyways? Why cant they go ‘SINGLES ROCK’ and move on? I am so tired of seeing people my age look like Models but they feel insecure about it and they always happen to be a ‘strong character’ and get boyfriends/girlfriends and throw their education away. GO GET A LIFE!
9. Platonic Friendships Club
Why is there always a beef with MC and his/her/their childhood best friend. We see this in Red Queen, Hunger Games, et cetera. Dear Authors, you do realize that you can continue your books without erasing the platonic friendships or killing that friend in a gruesome way ‘so the character faces a challenge and trauma or whatever’.
10. Not Like Other Girls Club
Literally everyone is familiar with this one. Do I even have something to say about it for you to know ‘how it actually is’. Have you ever seen memes where there are two pictures of girls, one captioned ‘other girls’ and the other captioned ‘Me’. Those memes are examples of this. Most of the women say ‘I am not like other girls’ because they are ashamed to like them! ‘Other girls’ meaning those who were high heels, tons of makeup, short skirts and awesome cloths, looks like a model, does everything perfectly’ et cetera.
Why should females be ashamed of things they like? Some of them who come in the ‘above’ category are considered ‘fake’.
I AM LIKE OTHER GIRLS!
What is worse is that this is a widely used trope. Many of us have this habit of behaving like a certain character in the book you’ve read and dont lie! I know you do! Some of you have a fair idea if the character’s personality is wrong but what about the others? Since its okay in the books they think its okay in real life. Its not!
For example, we have Clary.
The werewolf that is being discussed here is Maia. We also have Bella (Twilight), and the list just goes on! For more information on this trope, check out my friend’s post Nashita @Books and Brownies
11. ‘Immortal dark haired mysterious powerful lover boys’ Club
*Many of us are part of this club*
But sometimes they can be annoying? Like when the character is pure disgusting but also happens to be part of the ‘Immortal dark haired mysterious powerful lover boys Club’ and they ruin the whole trope…THAT IS a possibility right? right? RIGHT?
For example um…RHYSAND! THE MOST DISGUSTING PIECE OF TRASH I’VE EVER SEEN! And the Edward Cullen. Ew. Who is better. Rhysand or Edward? Comment down below! (Oh great! Now I sound like a YouTuber!)
12. Unlikely places for IT! Club
Some of you might have a vague idea of what I’m talking about…
Clary and Jace do it in hell…
Feyre and Rhysand do it in the middle of war…
I don’t even want to talk about it and how tf did Jace carry a ‘protection’ to hell?!
That’s it, dear dregs on today’s episode of ‘I am trying not to die of embarrassment’.
Bonus Club which I don’t know what to name :
“I hate it when some smuttier books have this whole thing where the man says they shouldn’t have sex because he’ll get out of control or that it’d take HOURS and she won’t be able to walk the next day. Why it gotta be so wild?” ~Tytti
And oh! This isn’t major but it pisses the hell out of me.
When they MC ends up with wrong guy/girl/person. For example, Alina ends up with Mal. I am not a Darklina shipper but seriously Alina? ‘I am become a blade’? Can he seriously get any worse? Apparently he can. Will you still chose the epitome of stupidity? Apparently yes. How dense can Alina get? There is like no chemistry between them.
PETITION FOR MORE SHY AND RELATABLE CHARACTERS!
I know I already said that this was the end, but I swear this is the end this time. Thank you everybody, for watching the first episode of ‘I am trying not to die of embarrassment’. Yes. there is more to come!
Finally I want to thank everyone who made this post possible.
Firstly, my parents for doing absolutely nothing and because I would not be here if it wasn’t for them and you wont be reading this right now.
Secondly, my anxiety monster for forcing me to complete this post while I was procrastinating.
Thirdly, the food I ate which kept me alive.
Fourthly, my awesome teachers for making the class so boring I came to internet for survival.
Fifthly, the only people who actually deserve the acknowledgement, all the people here! Thank you for giving me so many ideas and suggestions because now this post looks big!
Thank you for reading my rant (kinda?) and I hope you stay alive!